I'm on it again, only this time for good reason: MY LAST NAME!
I think I was a little spoiled growing up with my mom as a teacher in the same school I attended because everyone knew her name - Mrs. Schwager. Up until college, I never had anyone mispronounce my name. (What can I say? I was a big deal. People knew me. HA!) My family would get the occasional telemarketer looking for "the Shwayjers," but for the most part, people were respectful and knew how to say my name.
This past week, I've had at least five people mispronounce my last name. That's just unacceptable. If your last name was, "Ogihoihhaoihgioh," I'd sure as hell try to figure out how to pronounce it before attempted to say it. Now, I know there are some instances where you don't get the opportunity to ask someone how to pronounce their last name before saying it.
Case-in-point, when I'm answering the phones here at work. When I first started here, I wasn't 100 percent sure how to say a few of the last names. Sometimes I'd get callers asking, "Hey, who would I talk to about football?" And I'd say, "Oh, that's Joni. Hold on one moment before I transfer you." I could have gone ahead and butchered Joni's last name, but I didn't want Joe Blow caller to think that's really how he should say her last name. If he did ask for a last name (which happened once before I figured out how to say it), I said, "I just started here, so I'm unsure how to pronounce her last name, but it's spelled..." Sure, it made me sound like a shmuck, but probably lesser of a schmuck than if I would have just thrown out some rando last name to Joe Blow caller.
Anyway, my last name should be relatively easy to pronounce. Did you know the "schwa" sound is the most common vowel sound in the English language? So why the truck are you failing to figure how to pronounce my easy-ass last name? Remember how I changed my last name to "Goldschwager" on Facebook? I did that to help people out. You've heard of the magical beverage called Goldschlager, right? The one with the shards of real gold in it? The one that supposedly cuts your throat and stomach with the gold shards to make its alcohol enter your bloodstream quicker? (Goldschlwager is badass. Kind of like me.) Well, my name is said like the "schlager" part of Goldschlager. Simple.
Or, if you don't know that alcoholic beverage, here's how my name is pronounced: Schwogger or Schwaaahhhger. (Like saying Ahhhh at the doctor's office). And if you're really unsure, ask me or Jacy.
I know this is a petty little thing to get upset about, but I just want to make sure my ancestors get the recognition they deserve for giving me such an awesome last name.
Now, who's thirsty for some Goldschlager?