Monday, April 19, 2010

Our lives belong on MTV...

With gymnastics season over and Jacy getting a new job, we've already found that we've had more time on our hands...and it's only been ONE day. :-) Although Jacy posted two of the funniest posts ever written, I thought I would share a couple of quotes from us recently that solidifies our thinking of why we need to have a reality TV show. The shit we do/say is just so dumb. Enjoy.

Background: Jacy's been sick for two weeks now.
"Girl, you should really go to the doctor." -Me
"Nawww...I don't do doctors." - Jacy
"Really?? Because I do." - Me

Background: I was getting ready for class and saw a cute pair of jean shorts on the ground.
"Hey Jacy, are those cute EXPRESS shorts on the floor yours?" -Me
"Wait, what shorts?"-Jacy
"The EXPRESS shorts on the floor by the bathroom." - Me
"Yeah, they're mine." - Jacy
"Where'd you get them from?" - Me
"Uh.... EXPRESS."-Jacy

Background: Jacy and I were watching "The Way We Were" last night before bed. Barbara Streisand's character, Katie, was taking off her clothes and jumping into bed with a very drunk Hubble (Robert Redford).
"Katieeee. Don't be a creeper." -Jacy

Background: Jacy and I sitting on the couch and chair surfing the net. I came across an old document I had saved that had my old email accounts and passwords in it.
"OH MY GOD. Jacy, I was such a loser. I used to have an email account called" -Me
Jacy just laughed uncontrollably.

Okay those are just a few quotes. I'll keep you posted how our night goes. This is the first night we've spent together for weeks.

Beer Goggles

(Jacy posting...again)

Jessica is making me post this story. I swear we're not alchys. This story and the one I just posted just happened to take place when we were shnockered.

Yesterday was the Husker Spring Game. A lot of you may know what that means... Lincoln was a-hoppin. The Spring Game provides an opportunity to fans to come together and support the Huskers...and get their drink on. And I did just that.

So after a day and night full of football and partying, by 2:30 A.M., I wasn't exactly in the finest of conditions. I fell asleep on a big bean bag and when my friends tried to wake me to go home I apparently kept yelling at them, "Two turns to the left!". After they had all left me because of my reluctance to wake up, I finally manage to rouse and looked at the couch and saw a girl sleeping there who strongly resembled one of my best friends, Brooke. Brooke and I were wanting to hang out all evening, and in my state of mind, I must have thought she had somehow navigated her way to me.

Me, to Brooke on the couch: "Brooke! You made it!"
Brooke: "Mmhmm."
Me: "Thank God, I'm gonna come cuddle on the couch with you. I'm cold!"
Brooke: "Mmhmm."
(Next morning, still on the couch together, just barely waking up...)
Brooke: "Thanks for cuddling, Amber!"
Me: "...I'm not Amber. Holy shit. You're not Brooke!"
Brooke: "Who the hell are you? I don't even know you."
Me: "I don't even know you either!"
Brooke "You should get up. It's hot."

She was a Brooke-a-like. Actually, she didn't even look like Brooke. They both had brown hair. That's it. Holy awkward balls.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

"S5 ut"

(Jacy posting!)
Jessica is hilarious.

A couple weeks ago Jessica and I headed over to my friend's apartment for some Jell-O shots and a good time. We started rather early in the night. By 10:00, I had decided to depart from the party for a little while with the intentions to return. I, however, ended up cozying up in a nice warm bed and falling asleep for the night.

The next morning when I finally woke up, I had multiple missed calls, texts, and voicemails. One of my personal favorite texts was from Jessica, sent around 11:30: "S5 ut". I wasn't 100% positive of what this meant, but my best guess was that she was meaning to type "Slut." With Jessica though, one can never be too sure. The mass amount of texts and missed calls were nothing in comparison to the voicemails she left though. I think I had around 7.

Voicemail #1 (Cameo by my friend, Drew): "Jacyyyy, you sluuuut, get your ass back over here!!! Drew came over and you're not even here! Wait, Drew wants to say something to you!" (Hands phone to Drew) "Jacy, what the hell? I came over to see you and you're not even here. I'm calling bullshit on this. Jacy? Jacy? Hello? (Pause) She f*cking hung up on me!"
Hilarious when you take into consideration that he was on my voicemail.

Voicemail #3: "You're a dirty whorebag hooker. I hate you. You left me here all alone with all your friends. Fortunately, I've had a shit ton of Jell-O shots. Get your ass back over here. I love you."

Voicemail #5: "Jacy. I'm going to f*cking kill you. You left me. I don't know what to do. I've had too much to drink to drive anywhere. So I came out to my car. It's really late. Where are you? I'm sure you're somewhere warm right now while I'm lying down in the backseat of my car. I'm going to sleep out here. It's very cold but I have no other option. Camping out in my car. I really hate you and will kill you. Bitch."

Voicemail #7: (Whispering) "It's like an igloo in here. I'm going to freeze to death."

Moral of the story? Don't leave Jessica unattended. She fortunately did manage to find a ride home at three in the morning. Thank God, because I truly do believe she would have slept in the car and killed me the next day. That is, if she would have lived through the night.

Life Ain't Always Beautiful

Hey, it's Jess. I'll be honest, this isn't going to be a funny post this time. I love funny posts because I'm filled with real funny stories, but tonight is not one of those nights. I'm a poet and tonight I'm feeling poetic. I won't write poetry though. Poetry bores most everyone except for English junkies. So I'll just write about how I'm feeling.

Tonight is my last night in New York. Rather, it's my last night as the men's gymnastics SID. I'm packing my belongings into two suitcases and calling it quits. TWO suitcases. Nuts, huh? After three years, two suitcases is all I have to show for them. Well, not really. I've met some of the most amazing people in the entire world, people that will remain in my heart forever. I've even made a few wonderful friends (friends that will hopefully become famous and further my careers (cough, cough Jersh and Steph-onn). :) And, I've seen some of the most beautiful places - Palo Alto a few times, NYC, Norman, OK, (haha, riiiight. Not the most beautiful place, but fucking fun). I've eaten the best sushi in the world with Francis Allen and now have learned to appreciate GOOD sushi (not the crap you find in NE). And, most of all, I've learned never to settle. I will never, ever settle. Josh taught me that. Josh is going to be famous some day. To be honest, I never believed in people becoming famous. I thought people were born into fame. But this kid - WOWza - he is born to be great. And I am, too, right? I know I am. But finally, someone came along in my life to tell me about greatness. For that, I am appreciative. I have NO idea what is about to come next for me. I have a few interviews lined up in places I've never been to, but that's okay for me. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to move forward with my life.

Anyway, I'm going to cut this short because I have a long day a head of me tomorrow, but I just wanted to vent right now. I'll probably have a beautiful poem coming soon, but for now, this is all I have.

Thank you, NU men's gym, for some of the best years of my life.

God Bless,