Thursday, March 25, 2010


I hear all too often that fast food is going to eventually kill me, but I don't believe it at all. In fact, I think it will make me live a long and happy life because it provides me with laughter.


Today, I stopped by Taco Johns and the cashier was a total goofball from the start. But as I pulled up to the window, asked how my day was and I said, "It's a beautiful day, so I have no complaints. How is your day going?" And he replied with "Oh, you know, another day, another taco... and I love tacos."

Taco Johns - 48th and Vine - go there now and meet the most hilarious taco-lover ever.

Players of the Game

(Jess says)
Yup, that's right guys, you heard it here first. is your No. 1 source for giving you a GIANT wake-up call. Girls can play the game, too.

Jacy and I recently got our heads together and discussed our disliking of men fearing lady clingers. Don't get me wrong, there are freaky-deaky girls out there. I've definitely witnessed some "How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days" types and it ain't pretty. But I've also seen it on the male side of things, too. You guys are just as creepy as us girls. Take this one rando make-out of mine. We'll call him "Fez" affectionately. Fez was super suave and debonair (insert evil laugh here), so I gave him my number. The next day, he called me at least 50 times and left 50 voicemails. Then, after the 50th call, I felt guilty enough to answer my phone. Bad decision. The creep proceeds tells me how he just saw me getting out of my car and he liked my pants. Creepy Fez had been following me around downtown all day... So I'm just sayin' men, you have the clingy/stalker genes, too.

But the whole "tattoo his name on my ass" thing isn't really how Jacy and I work.

This blog isn't intended to make you believe Jacy and I are giant sluts, so please don't take it that way. (BE SEXY, IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO HAVE SEX!) But why do guys automatically think every girl is obsessed with them after one random drunken night?

(Jacy's turn)
I see this happen a lot. A guy and a girl are friends. A guy and a girl make-out/hook-up. Suddenly, the guy and the girl are not friends, because every single time the girl tries talking to the once guy friend, they avoid her because they think she has fallen head-over-heels in love with him. Maybe, just maybe, they have. But in a lot of cases, men, they HAVEN'T. They simply got a little tipsy and felt their hormone levels rise as well.

Now, I'm not really speaking from experience. I haven't really macked on anyone that wasn't a repeat offense (usually someone I had already dated) or that I haven't maybe had a wee bit of a school-girl crush on. BUT I have seen this happen puh-lenty of times.

All I'm saying is this:
Men: You're not the only ones who get to feeling a little frisky. The ladies like some lovin' too. So next time you have an evening romp with a girl (space) friend, don't make yourself look like an egotistical dumbass and ignore her. Okay, egotistical dumbass may be a bit harsh. But the girl might not find you to be as much of a Prince Charming as you think you are. Yes, there are some girls out there who are stage five clingers. Want to avoid that? Here's some advice: Love em' and leave em'. Yep, sounds harsh again, but it's the cold hard truth of randoms. I observe plenty friends, and the only time they are interested in a guy after a hook-up is if you cuddled them or held their hand. If you did either of those things, then it's your own fault if she's interested. If you didn't either of those things and she's still acting 100% clingy? Run, gentlemen. Run. But if you didn't do either of those things and she just wants to strike up a conversation, chances are she is just trying to still be your friend.

(Jess again) Welp, Jacy got a little more serious in her post than I did. She was actually trying to give you some novel advice, whereas I am simply trying to state one thing: I'm just looking for a good time. Either way you look at it, we hope we've made our points and hopefully some of the non-clingly ladies will appreciate our blog.

Remember - Safety first - Wrap it before you tap it!

Happy Trails,
Jacy and Jess

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Slippery Slope

It's been a long time, friends. One whole month to be exact. I'm sorry, but life has really been madness... ahhh, who am I kidding? Jacy and I seriously have no time to write because in our free time we like to drink. Well, I mean we both go to school/work for 60 hours a week, so we have to keep sane somehow and the bottle is where we turn to on occasion. (Nothing you need to be worried about...we're still attending class regularly.)

There are just two things we've learned this month...

1) We've learned that Jacy has no sense of balance or finesse on ice. Jacy has taken two terrible tumbles this past month, and quite honestly I'm very worried about her safety on this ice. She definitely doesn't need a broken hip. Typically, people who break their hips die within four months (this is a semi-proven statistic) and I don't want her to die right now. Who would pay the other half of rent? Lord knows I can't afford this place by myself...

Anyway, the first tumble took place at a friend's house. With beers in both hands, Jacy eagerly made her way down some stairs to the main party. However, her "friends" failed to mention the stairs were fecking slick. One wrong step and whooossheee...Woopsie daisy. Since Jacy was double fistin', she was unable to catch her balance and instead threw both beers in the air and fell to her unpleasant fate. I hear most of the party thought she was dead. (I wasn't there.) But luckily she picked herself up off the ground and lived to see another day. If you want to see some pretty nasty bruises, tell her to drop her pants.

The second tumble took place a couple of nights ago. Jacy was, again, drinking and I was the designated driver for the night. I'm not a very nice DD, so it takes a lot to make me laugh. But Jacy did just the trick Saturday night. Jacy, Megan (our friend) and I came home and were making our way into our apartment building. It musta been cold or something because Jacy was a woman on a mission to get to the front door of the apartment building, but overlooked a patch of slickeryness right outside the door. AGAIN, woooshhhhh. BAM. I literally felt the cement shake. I'm not sure how she managed it, but she fell on her front and her back at the same time. It was quite amazing. She was wearing, like, 10 inch heels, so I was about 95 percent sure she broke her ankle the way her feet were bent all over the place. She's like a giraffe on rollerskates, that one. Hob-nobily. She stayed on the ground for what seemed like forever. I really wasn't in the mood to take her to the hospital, so it was a good thing she peeled herself off the ground. It was also a good thing that Megan is in nursing school, because after getting Jacy upstairs, Megan sat and picked gravel out of Jacy's bleeding knee wound for 10 minutes. It's another great thing that Jacy was drunk, or else that would have hurt a helluva lot more.

2) We've learned not to iron a shirt while still on your back. Though not near as funny as Jacy's awesome tumbles, I will briefly tell you my stupidity during the month of February. I was late to work last week and hadn't done wash for at least three weeks, so I pulled something out of the laundry to wear for the day. Naturally, it was the most wrinkly garment ever. So, I whipped out Jacy's sweet hand steamer. Instead of two seconds to take off my blouse, I just thought I'd steam the blouse while it was still on my back... Poor choice. Did you know steam was hot? It doesn't look hot as it comes out of the little iron. Burned the fuck out of my stomach. It just happened to be where my jeans rubbed, too, so I have a really nasty, gross scar on my stomach. Not that anyone would see that...but still, I know it's there.

Okay, that's all I have for tonight. Two very important lessons learned. 1) Don't let Jacy out of the house in February and 2) Wrinkly shirts are in.