Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Slippery Slope

It's been a long time, friends. One whole month to be exact. I'm sorry, but life has really been madness... ahhh, who am I kidding? Jacy and I seriously have no time to write because in our free time we like to drink. Well, I mean we both go to school/work for 60 hours a week, so we have to keep sane somehow and the bottle is where we turn to on occasion. (Nothing you need to be worried about...we're still attending class regularly.)

There are just two things we've learned this month...

1) We've learned that Jacy has no sense of balance or finesse on ice. Jacy has taken two terrible tumbles this past month, and quite honestly I'm very worried about her safety on this ice. She definitely doesn't need a broken hip. Typically, people who break their hips die within four months (this is a semi-proven statistic) and I don't want her to die right now. Who would pay the other half of rent? Lord knows I can't afford this place by myself...

Anyway, the first tumble took place at a friend's house. With beers in both hands, Jacy eagerly made her way down some stairs to the main party. However, her "friends" failed to mention the stairs were fecking slick. One wrong step and whooossheee...Woopsie daisy. Since Jacy was double fistin', she was unable to catch her balance and instead threw both beers in the air and fell to her unpleasant fate. I hear most of the party thought she was dead. (I wasn't there.) But luckily she picked herself up off the ground and lived to see another day. If you want to see some pretty nasty bruises, tell her to drop her pants.

The second tumble took place a couple of nights ago. Jacy was, again, drinking and I was the designated driver for the night. I'm not a very nice DD, so it takes a lot to make me laugh. But Jacy did just the trick Saturday night. Jacy, Megan (our friend) and I came home and were making our way into our apartment building. It musta been cold or something because Jacy was a woman on a mission to get to the front door of the apartment building, but overlooked a patch of slickeryness right outside the door. AGAIN, woooshhhhh. BAM. I literally felt the cement shake. I'm not sure how she managed it, but she fell on her front and her back at the same time. It was quite amazing. She was wearing, like, 10 inch heels, so I was about 95 percent sure she broke her ankle the way her feet were bent all over the place. She's like a giraffe on rollerskates, that one. Hob-nobily. She stayed on the ground for what seemed like forever. I really wasn't in the mood to take her to the hospital, so it was a good thing she peeled herself off the ground. It was also a good thing that Megan is in nursing school, because after getting Jacy upstairs, Megan sat and picked gravel out of Jacy's bleeding knee wound for 10 minutes. It's another great thing that Jacy was drunk, or else that would have hurt a helluva lot more.

2) We've learned not to iron a shirt while still on your back. Though not near as funny as Jacy's awesome tumbles, I will briefly tell you my stupidity during the month of February. I was late to work last week and hadn't done wash for at least three weeks, so I pulled something out of the laundry to wear for the day. Naturally, it was the most wrinkly garment ever. So, I whipped out Jacy's sweet hand steamer. Instead of two seconds to take off my blouse, I just thought I'd steam the blouse while it was still on my back... Poor choice. Did you know steam was hot? It doesn't look hot as it comes out of the little iron. Burned the fuck out of my stomach. It just happened to be where my jeans rubbed, too, so I have a really nasty, gross scar on my stomach. Not that anyone would see that...but still, I know it's there.

Okay, that's all I have for tonight. Two very important lessons learned. 1) Don't let Jacy out of the house in February and 2) Wrinkly shirts are in.


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