Sunday, July 25, 2010

Treat Your Body Like A Temple

First of all, I just want to thank everyone for their support recently. I have gotten so many amazing messages through Facebook and each of your messages have meant so much to me. They are exactly what I need to get started!

All of this healthy talk made me realize that being healthy doesn't just include exercise and good eating, it includes the other things you feed your body with - love, emotions, alcohol, sadness, etc. I love A-HAH moments and I just had one yesterday.

The night before my college graduation, Heather (one of my best friends - I love you to death, girl!), cornered me in her bedroom and basically asked me if I was happy with myself. To be honest, I felt like I was being beaten down.

See, Heather had graduated in December of 2009 and left to pursue a job opportunity in California. However, her fiance still lived in Lincoln and was graduating on the same day as me, so she was back to see him walk down the graduation aisle. So, Heather hadn't seen and had barely talked to me since December. She basically just followed me through Twitter, Facebook and this blog.

She wondered what the BEEP was going on in my life. Facebook and Twitter had been telling her how drunk I was getting and how many boys I was kissing and this blog was telling her the stories in more detail. She was worried about me. However, I took it more of an accusation. "Come on, I've always been a fun-loving person! I just haven't had a true college experience with my job!" Yeah, complete bullshit if you ask me. For the past couple of months, I've honestly been uneasy about her accusations. I was happy she was being honest with me because I really respect a friend who is honest, but she also hit a nerve. A very deep nerve. And finally, yesterday, I realized what it was. She was right.

I had been treating my body like trash. I had been filling it with booze from Thursdays until Sundays and then some more during the week. I had more hangovers between January-May than I had had in my entire life. I was letting people into my life - bad people - who were causing me to become an emotional wreck. I let men, men with girlfriends and wives and ISSUES, use me emotionally and make me feel terrible about myself. Though, I thought at the time they were making me feel good about myself. Heather saw me, I mean really saw me, from a half-county away and knew something wasn't right.

So I'm hear to tell my faithful readers (and Heather - though I'll probably just tell her in person. :) ) that I've made great strides in other areas of my life. I'm only allowing myself TWO drinks per week and no bad boys. Only good ones. Or none at all. I'm reading more and going out less. I'm being ME again. I don't need to change for anyone.

Thanks, Miss Heather, for seeing me. Love you!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Almost a year ago, Jacy and I started this blog in order to lose some weight on the QuickTrim diet by the Kardashians. Just short of starving ourselves, we stopped the diet after a few days. We both lost the damn receipts, so so much for getting our money back. Ironically, I ended up packing on even more weight over the past year and finally decided for a self-realization. I've recently gotten into "Losing It," the Jillian Michaels weight loss show, and have realized I'm on a fast track to being one of those people. I do the same things they do. I eat shit I shouldn't be eating and I LIE about it. Back in Nebraska, I was literally sneaking fast food BEFORE I went home to eat supper. I would never go into fast food restaurants (God forbid) because I didn't want anyone to see that I was one of those fat people who ate fast food. So, instead, I went through the drive-thru and then would find a remote parking lot or alley way and eat my grease in peace. I'd make sure to hide the evidence as soon as I was done eating and then lie to everyone about what I ate. Now I've come to find that I've only been lying to myself.

I've always been a big girl, but I'm sick of that excuse. There's no reason to be a big girl anymore. That was someone else. I was at my skinniest my senior year of high school. I might have been skinny because I was suffering some weird depression issues (yeah, you should read my journal from that year...yikes), but that's besides the point. Even at my "skinniest," I was never considered "skinny."

So, why not make a drastic change in my life and be skinny for once? I just want to know how it feels to not wear XL shirts all the time. I want to know what it's like to go into a store and have EVERYTHING look good on me. I want to be more than just a "pretty face."

I officially started this journey when I moved to Dallas at the end of June. Since I joined a gym at the beginning of July, I've already lost 5.9 pounds. (In 9 days). My body knows it needs to shed the weight and is encouraging me. Now I just need to be persistent.

No more sneaking fast food. No more lazy lifestyle. I hope that the next time many of you will be seeing me I will be a completely different person.

Please post any hints/tips here! I would love to hear feedback!!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Making Friends in Low Places (Texas, mainly)

Let me start off by saying that I by no means want my next statements to come off as snotty. I don’t believe I’m entitled to anything, let alone friends. However, I have never had any problems making friends or being “popular.” Again, using the word popular isn’t probably the most effective word, but let’s just say that I’ve always had really beautiful, talented and nice friends. Therefore, I believe that they must be popular. I’m not beautiful, but I feel like I attract beautiful people, soooo somehow that means I’m okay at friend making. And now I’m going to stop digging myself a hole….

That being said, I thought friend-making would come a lot easier for me in Dallas. Somehow I thought I would magically appear down here and have tons of friends to go out with, but that is not the case at all. Making friends in the real-world is super hard. Making friends in college is easy because we’re basically forced into friendships. Seeing the same people every day in the hallways or in the bathrooms forces friendships. However, when you’re dropped in the middle of nowhere by yourself, making friends is especially hard. I feel like I’m slowly making friends with several of my coworkers, but I don’t want to hang out with them every weekend because I’m scared they’ll get sick of me. I think I could make friends in my gym, but I’m not quite sure how to approach that situation.

I was wearing a “Nebraska Engineering” shirt the other day at the gym and a really good-looking guy came up and asked me if I was into engineering. I looked at him like he was crazy and said…”uhhh…no…” Then he’s like, “Well, why do you have an engineering shirt on?” Then it hit me. DUHHH. So we had a nice little conversation about Nebraska’s engineering program. Which, by the way, I know nothing about, but pretended to for conversation’s sake. He had a liberal arts degree, so I doubt he knew I was a big, fat liar. He had to get back to work, but introduced himself to me at the end of our conversation. Lee was his name. I said I was Jessica. And then there was an awkward, “Well, see you around.” So are we gym friends? Can I be friends with this Lee guy? How do I approach this situation? Should I declare we’re friends? Perhaps I should have said something like, “Lee, it was great to meet you. I’m friendless, so would you like to be friends with me?”

Some of my friends back home have been trying to tell me to go out and make friends. That’s so much easier said that done. What am I supposed to do? Go to a bar and sit around asking people if they’d like to be friends with me? Look really desperate for a friend and someone will approach me?

Seriously though, any advice would be appreciated. I’m not lonely yet, but I may be on the brink.

Friday, July 9, 2010

God Blessed Texas

Jacy and I are officially no longer living together. A week ago, we parted ways as I took a year-long position at the Big 12 Conference office in Dallas. Tears were shed and I'm pretty sure I'm a little depressed. (If you call never being hungry and going to bed at 9 p.m. every night depressive.) I really don't think I'm depressed, I think I'm just overwhelmed. I just made a huge change in my life and sleeping is how I cope with everything. I do miss Jacy terrible, but I'll get to see her in a few weeks and then she's coming to visit me over Labor Day.

I really like living here so far though. Texas is a really, really cool state! There is so much to do. Tonight, my coworkers and I are going to a place that serves dinner WHILE watching a movie. And then on Sunday we're going to a Rangers game. I couldn't have done either of those things in Lincoln.

Texas has other things to offer, too. For example, women with big-ass hair. I thought teasing was a fashion trend in the late-80s or early-90s, but these women brought it into the here and now. I'm not sure whether to be impressed by their devotion to their hair (because they have to get up like two extra hours every day) or just plain scared!!

The other major thing Texas has to offer is CUTE BOYS. Oh my goodness, everywhere I go, there are cute boys everywhere! The other day in Walmart, I about drove my shopping cart into two of them and started blushing hardcore. These boys were ripped. They looked like straight-off-the-farm, stocky, hot boys! Then today, when I was driving to work, I nearly rear-ended a car staring at the beautiful hot chocolate running beside my car. Holy smokes!! Not to mention, I just joined 24 Hour Fitness and it's a training place for some of the Dallas Cowboys. I'm going to be a size two when I leave here because I'll just want to stay in the gym all the time.

Okay, that's all the updating I can do for today. Have a blessed day!!