Sunday, August 22, 2010

Mother Knows Best

To start off, this is Jacy writing a blog entry! How is it that Jessica can think of so many things to write about, yet I can never come up with something? I really need to start holding up my end of this blog. I might as well since I end up getting blamed for what Jessica writes anyway. Ha. But that's beside the point. What is the point, is that you should always listen to your mother, even if it is against your best judgement. Storytime...

I want to clear the air though when I say that I, like Jessica, have really cleaned up my act and rarely party anymore. Which was pretty obvious, because I went to my first party in a long time last Friday night and I forgot the cardinal rule of partying: When everyone disappears and gets quiet, you need to disappear and get quiet too.

It was the UNL students' first weekend back at school. Big weekends like this are deemed "No Tolerance" weekends by the police, which means that if you get busted at a party, you WILL get charged. It's dumb to even go out on this weekend, but it doesn't stop hundreds of kids. And at least a hundred of those kids were at the party we were at. It was only a matter of time before the cops arrived. My friend and I had made our way down to the basement of the house where we were chatting to a few people, when suddenly we realized it was eerily quiet. We looked up the stairs, and sure enough, there were flashlights beaming down into our faces. With our tails between our legs, all of us in the basement ventured to the top of the stairs with the hopes that the cops will do what they usually do and give us a nice "Go home," and let us be on our way. Instead we were greeted by multiple cops saying "Line up against the side of the house!" and a cameraman shoving a camera into our faces. My friend of course covers her face and said "Oh my gosh, this is embarassing, I can't have my face on film," while I of course ask the cops, "Are we gonna be on MTV?!" After they shot down my hopes of getting famous, my only other thought was that we were going to be on "Cops." And NO ONE wants to be on Cops.

This is when I started planning my escape. If I wasn't going to be on MTV, there was nothing good that could come of this. I knew that an MIP was headed my way and I could NOT afford that. There were probably only about 10 of us there while around 5 cops hovered like vultures. My odds of getting away with a 2:1 ratio were not good, especially when we were lined up against a wall with a lady cop scanning us up and down with her flashlight. I was wearing about 4-inch wedge heels as well, so I had to do something about that. While leaning against the wall I claimed, "Oh, standing this long is making my feet hurt!" and non-chalantly slipped of my shoes right in front of the cop. Lady Cop's first mistake: Don't let a girl about to get an MIP take off her high heels. No good can come of that. One of the cops asked, "Who owns this house?" and we all looked at each other and just shrugged. He responded with "You all came to a party and none of you even know who lives here??" Seriously, Cop Dude, dumb question. We're college kids. We don't exactly do a background check on the owner of every party house we go to. Then he started asking who was all not 21. Eventually, one by one, the minors' hands went up. Not mine though. I was determined they weren't going to know my secret. But then the thoughts of asking for my I.D. and procuring started running through my mind, so I threw up my hand after the final call for the minors.

Then the cops started checking the 21-year-olds' IDs. The ones with a valid ID, they allowed to leave. This is when my mind started really going a million miles an hour. "If they're allowing the 21-year-olds to leave, there's a reason they're keeping us here! They would have let us go by now if we weren't going to get charged. Mom always told me no matter what the situation to RUN from the cops." That's when it hit me what I had to do. A couple of years ago (before I ever even had my first drink) I was at a party that got busted. Everyone ran besides four of us. The two of us that weren't drinking got let off, and the two that were got MIPs because they didn't run. After that time, Mom (and Gina) told me I was an idiot for not running, and to ALWAYS run no matter what, because the cops aren't going to shoot. So I was standing there in front of the cops weighing my options. I could stay and possibly get let off but most likely get an MIP, or I could run and get away, or get an MIP and a Resisting Arrest. But, if I stayed and got an MIP, I'd get yelled at not only for the charge, but because I didn't run. If I ran and got caught, I could simply blame it on Mom because she told me to. I made my decision.

The second Lady Cop turned her head for a split second, I dashed. With my heels in hand, I ran like I had never run before. My bare feet went over driveways of rocks, sticks, yards, sidewalks, and streets. NOTHING was stopping them. Seriously, I almost wish the cameraman would have gotten that part of it, because I could have sent that film to any college and had a full-ride track scholarship. After zooming about three blocks, I swerved off to the left to an unlit neighborhood and hurdled over a fence into a backyard. I did take notice that they had beautiful landscaping, with lots of rock gardens and little ponds...and lots of bushes. So I dove into a bush.

I stealthily tiptoed and dove from bush to bush, trying to get further back in the yard. Every now and then small group of fellow flee-ers made their way through the backyard too. Of course, I had to tell someone what I was going through.
Me - "Jessica, I almosy just got an mip. Right wben the cops turned I sprinted for al I was worth. I'm in bushes now."
Jess - "Jacy! Be fuckin careful! U don't have that money."
Me - "Which is why I ran"
Me - "They had collected a little group of six minors and I was one of them. So I claimed my shoes were uncomfortable and slipped them off then took off running."
Jess - "Jacy Schwager. Go break into the nearest house."
Me - "Already hid in their landscaping."
Jess - "Be stealth. Turn off ur phone."
Me - "I once again, just kep thinking 'Hunger Games.'"
Me - "Some guy was even video taping it."
Me - "I'm in my car now."
Jess - "If you don't turn off ur phone now I will get you like a sword butterfly."

My friend had walked from the party since she was of age, and had taken refuge in my car and convinced me to do the same. After about 20 minutes of hanging in a bush, I navigated my way out of the backyard, which was much more difficult than it seems. She informed me that after my fellow minors saw me sprinting away, they followed suit and did the same. As I had told another friend, I hope the cops didn't plan on using the filmed footage for anything, because several minors sprinting away right in front of their noses probably doesn't reflect well on them.

Apart from a couple boo boos on the soles of my feet, I made it away safe and sound and misdemeanor free. Thank you, Mother, for your advice.


  1. I think ya left out a very vital part of that story.. How exactly did ya get home safe?

  2. Haha! I didn't know if you would want to be identified as an accomplice to the crime! Yes, if Luke wouldn't have ventured across town at 1 A.M. to rescue us, we would probably still have ended up getting caught by the cops :)

  3. LOL that was hilarious and I'm glad you didn't get a ticket!