Timberrrrr

I'm currently in Oklahoma City volunteering at the Big 12 baseball championships. Everyone who works the championships is...

*Time the hell out. The BEST THING EVER just happened at the championships. I'm typing my blog in this side room up in the press box and some huge guy just walked in and reached up his crack to pull his wedgie. He didn't see me in here. When he turned around to see me he looked mortified. I die.*

...supposed to wear the shirts given to us. Today's shirt color is pine green. When I think of pine, I think of my dad cutting down pine trees. When I think of pine trees falling, I think of me falling. Did you know that I pass out more than any other person you know? I don't have any sort of medical condition, but when my body thinks that I'm in too much pain it freaks out and makes me fall down.

Passing out all started when I was barely two years old. My mom said that I used to sit in my high chair and push off the kitchen table so my high chair would fly backwards. I guess I'd hit my head so hard on the wall or floor behind me that I'd pass out like a dead person. So, in honor of my pine green shirt, I thought I would share with you a list of my top passing out moments.

1) Following my sixth grade year, one of my classmates had people out to his house for a barbeque. Me and a few of my classmates were playing basketball and out of nowhere a basketball came flying at my head. I wasn't able to put my arms up in time and it pegged me right in the nose. I remember doing a little passing out/stumbling dance as my classmates tried to veer me away from a skateboard on the cement. But they weren't quite quick enough to catch me and I went face-first into the ground.

2) In seventh grade, my friend Mary and I made state FCCLA for our amazing speech about not smoking. (Smoke is No Joke, my friends. I mean, I have never smoked...) On our way to Lincoln for state, we stopped at a McDonald's for lunch. While I was waiting to order, Mary offered me a few of her french fries. About two bites into my fry, I bit the shit out of my tongue. I don't know whether it was the taste of blood or the salt in my wound, but I got light headed and started falling toward the Happy Meal stand full of Furbies at a high rate of speed. When I came to, my mind tricked me into seeing J.C. Chasez standing over me. After mumbling "J.C...J.C...?" I realized that "J.C." was actually a Hispanic McDonald's worker. Embarrassante.

3) Mary's seen me pass out a time or 17, so when I got really drunk at her place a couple of years ago and sprained my ankle walking down her stairs, she knew I was going to tumble to the ground. She saved my life by running up behind me and catching my head as it went flying toward the cement.

4) Last year, I slammed my finger into a metal drawer at work and had enough sense to sit down in my chair so I didn't hit the ground as hard. However, I still managed to pass out in my chair, hitting my head on the keyboard. When I came to, a series of "fffffffffffffffffffghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh" were written across my Word document.

5) Sophomore year of college, I managed to miss a class thanks to passing out. I was climbing out of bed one morning to rush to class, but managed to skin my ankle bone on my lofted bed's ladder, causing me to pass out and fall to sleep on the ground. I told my professor the story, but he was pretty skeptical.

6) Oh yes, and then there was the time last summer when I drank Dr. Pepper and it went down the wrong tube. I started freaking out because it hurt so bad (all those bubbles somehow hurt my throat) and I passed out standing up. Jacy was in the kitchen looking at me like "what the truck?"

Okay, I'd better get back to work. Enough storytelling for the day!