Hair

I can't sleep for some reason. I think it might be the anticipation of a thunderstorm, but I think I'm anticipating nothing because the weathermen never seem to be right anymore. Maggie and I are considering dropping our day jobs to become weatherwomen and I truly believe we would be able to predict the weather better than the fools at the National Weather Service. Can't you just see us rigging up an old Ford with aluminum foil (make-shift weather antennas) and making our own "Dorothy" to send up into the clouds? Dream big, right?

Anywho, since I was procrastinating my packing for Oklahoma (leaving tomorrow morning, so naturally I wait until the last possible minute), I decided to color my hair tonight. And coloring my hair made me think of something my mom said to me last time I was home. My sisters and I were talking about something stupid and my mom interrupted the conversation and looked at me with sympathetic eyes and a goofy smile, and said, "I'm so surprised you don't have a hair complex." But Ma, why-so-ever would I have a hair complex?

And then she reminded me of these:

EEK, EEK, EEK!

BECAUSE I WAS A WALKING BAD HAIR DAY!!!!

I have naturally stick straight, thick, dark hair. But my mom thought it would be hilarious to give me a perm every few months. Not only did she have a gigantuan daughter, but she gave her gigantuan hair. I'm surprised people didn't throw birds nests in my hair - or maybe they did? I mean, check out that last picture.

After reminding me of what she did to my hair, I soon realized that I DO HAVE A HAIR COMPLEX! I've never in my life had long hair. Wanna know why? Because deep down, I'm scared my mom will sneak into my room while I'm sleeping and perm it so I look like that kid in the last photo again. And have you ever met someone as scared of hair as me? Probably not. I'm freaked out by human hair more than anyone else I know. And have you ever met someone who colors and cuts their hair more than I do? Seriously, before tonight do you know when the last time I dyed my hair was? Yeah, it was one week ago. And before that? Yeah, a week before that, too.

Hi, I'm Jessica Schwager, and I have a hair complex.