Baby Titties

If you know me at all, you know that I really don't care for cats. Nor do I care for dead things. (But who really cares for dead things except for maybe undertakers?) There is reasoning behind my dislike of both dead things and cats. Let me take you back to a time when I had a bowl cut and hideous amounts of freckles....(eighth or ninth grade)

My friend, Maggie, has three younger brothers, Ben, Dan and Jon. Ben's only a couple of years younger than Maggie, but Dan and Jon are, like, eight years younger. Only 11 months separate the two youngest boys...her parents were busy. :) Since I didn't have any younger brothers myself, I always thought it was fun to head out to Maggie's house and play "Batman and Robin" or "Fort" with her brothers. I looked pretty damn sexy in a Batman chest plate, just sayin'. One day, her brothers wanted me to come out to their house to play with their new "baby titties" (baby kitties).

Once I got to their house, the boys took me out to their garage and had me play with the other cats and dogs while I waited for them to get the box of newborn titties. Jon carried the box over to me, as Dan just kind of stood there with a smirk on his face. Those boys were always up to something, so I figured the kitties were vicious or something and they were going to attack me when I petted them. But when I looked into the box, the little balls of fur just laid there. They weren't so scary after all! So I reached my hand in and gently stroked a little calico kitten. Awww...that wasn't so bad. However, the kitten wasn't reacting to my touch at all. So, I petted another titty and it didn't respond either.

What the...all of a sudden the world started spinning. I got the kind of spins that made me almost want to throw up. When I looked up from the box, I noticed Dan and Jon laughing their heads off. Those little twirps made me pet DEAD TITTIES!! SICKKK! I think I had the dry heaves for about 10 minutes. Who knows how long those cats had been dead?!

Thank heavens for little boys...