Welp, folkies, it's official...I AM A SOUTHERN GIRL! I moved to Stormin' Norman, Oklahoma, last weekend and have completed my first week of work for the University of Oklahoma. I don't mean to gush, but I absolutely love it here.
Back in the day, when I had been looking at OU as my future college, I remember someone telling me that I wouldn't like it here because of the "tarantulas the size of Volvos that roamed the highways." I am happy to report that I have yet to see a tarantula. Well, except for ones I just now saw when I Googled the word "tarantula" to figure out how to spell the word, "tarantula." Yikes. The first words to appear in my my Google box were "Tarantulas in Oklahoma." Naturally, it took me to a Wikipedia page describing and showing the many brown tarantualas in Oklahoma (luckily, brown Oklahoman turantulas are the best kind to have as pets...good to know...). Shit, now my ears are ringing all weird and itchy. Oh, and I also have major goosebumps because I'm thoroughly convinced that there is one crawling on the wall behind me. Should I look?...........Okay, I just looked and, again, I have yet to report a sighting.
One thing I have been dying to see is the species best known as the "Rednecks." I was lucky and got my Redneck experience out of the way early when I went to pick up my Cox digital cable router this afternoon. Two steps into the place and I felt like I was time-warped to 1987 when mullets were a hit (or was it 1972 when Grandma Glasses were in style? Orrrr it definitely could have been 1960s England when not brushing one's teeth was a fad). Any way I look at it, I was warped into the time of Redneck. And it was awesome. Thick Southern drawls, flannel, buck teeth, greasy hair, plastic glasses and a delightful Cougar with teal eyeliner. I certainly picked the right day to get my router.
I don't mean to judge or even be mean because, well, I am pure trailor trash. Ummmm....Hello Pot? This is Kettle. I'm calling you black. But I can tell you that none of my posse (i.e. family members) ever had a mullet as awesome as the guy's in front of me. But perhaps my favorite Redneck was the lady who came in a few minutes after I stepped in line. She had on tight leggings, an even tighter black Goodwill t-shirt and ol' school Nike tennis. Her hair barely avoided the ceiling and I really couldn't tell where her eyes ended and her eyeliner began. I pegged her for a Cougar the moment I laid eyes on her. I then confirmed it when she spoke to me.
"See that kid behind the counter? Isn't he just a dolllllll? God bless his little heart. I love his beard. Don't you love his beard."
Uh, yeah, lady. I love his peach fuzz. He's freaking 12.
Speaking of 12-year-olds (and this may sound creepy), I LOVE going to Walmart/Target because of all of the little Southern boys and girls. Have you HEARD a Southern child with a Southern accent? BLESS THEIR FREAKING HEARTS. I could adopt 10 of them. Seriously though, it is my quest now to find a husband with the thickest Southern drawl I've ever heard so he can make sure our kids have at least 3/4ths of his accent. Some kid in Target tonight kept shouting "Poo-poo face butt, poo-poo face butt," but the sing-songy drawl in which he was enunciating his words with made the phrase sound like butter.
I could get used to this Southern lifestyle. Rednecks, Southern children and fuzzy spiders. My kind of living.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Until Next Week
Sorry folks, no Bachelor blog this week. Chris Harrison: 1, Jessica 0.
However, I have two brief comment.
1) I love this season already. No BS! Brad took note of the drama happening in the house and eliminated it immediately.
2) Um...how horrible was the makeout session between Brad and that girl at the carnival? Wow. Suckfest. It made me uncomfortable. She tried to eat off his lips.
Anywho...I have lots to do today and blogging isn't on the top of my list. Peace.
However, I have two brief comment.
1) I love this season already. No BS! Brad took note of the drama happening in the house and eliminated it immediately.
2) Um...how horrible was the makeout session between Brad and that girl at the carnival? Wow. Suckfest. It made me uncomfortable. She tried to eat off his lips.
Anywho...I have lots to do today and blogging isn't on the top of my list. Peace.
Monday, January 3, 2011
The Bachelor: Season 616
That's right folks! After months of anxiously waiting, The Bachelor has made its return to ABC with none other than Brad Womack at the helm...AGAIN.
I'm an avid Bachelor lover. I watched the first few seasons, but unfortunately steered away in high school because my Monday nights were far better spent being lame. Luckily, I stopped being a piece of trash and tuned back in around the time Brad Womack ditched DeAnna Pappas and decided to fly solo.
Missed the past 615 seasons of The Bachelor? Let me catch you up!
So here's the scoop on the recent seasons I've seen (hold on tight): After DeAnna was torn up about the Brad thing, she decided to become the Bachelorette. I was enthusiastic about DeAnna. She was cute and seemed sensible and stable. But then she pulled one over my eyes when she duped Jason for a snowboarder guy named Jesse. But snowboarder guy didn't work out and then she ended up marrying a hot twin from another season.
I was just going to turn ABC off on Monday nights after being so disappointed in DeAnna, but then I got sucked in by hot Jason and his adorable son, Ty. Jason went on to pick my favorite gal, Melissa (yayyy!), only to break Melissa's heart in the "After the Final Rose" segment and re-pick ol' whatserface with the bad eye makeup (Molly). But everything turned out okay because America got to watch Melissa shake her groove thing on Dancing With the Stars.
Back to the Bachelor. So the third-girl out, Jillian (in Jason's season) had her own Bachelorette where she chose that Ed guy over many charming guys, including a hot pilot from Dallas named Jake. Jake was sad and had a dramatic cry over a hotel balcony. ABC decided to make him the next Bachelor because, honestly, that scene with him and the balcony surely drew more viewers. Jake's season really sucked. Like ABC probably should have discontinued the show. Jake had a whole slough of girls to choose from and he picked a gold-digging ho-bag over a bunch of really nice girls, including one Ali Fedowsky (okay, technically this isn't true because Ali actually quit Jake's season to continue to pursue her career in marketing). Ali was cute and blonde, and also very sad that she chose a career over love, so she naturally became the next Bachelorette (last season).
Ali chose hot Latin baseball player Roberto and they're still together. ABC wanted to get runner-up Chris Lambton on this season's edition, but unfortunately, Chris decided against doing The Bachelor because he was REALLY freaked out by the publicity (and more notably, the fan mail that crazy chicks were sending him).
So, ABC ran out of options and approached two-timer Brad Womack as this season's Bachelor. He's really quite gorgeous though, so I'm okay with it. Oh, and did I mention his cute Austin drawl? I'm a sucker for Southern accents.
Tonight was the first episode of the season and I'm surprisingly okay with how everything turned out. Not too many weirdos. There was one perfectly normal gal who liked to wear vampire fangs at night (Madison). She was cute - minus the True Blood fetish. Brad really surprised me with his decision to give her a rose, but I guess he found her really sexy and "cool." I'm scared to death of real life vampires and, in the off shot she REALLY was one, I would have kicked her to the curb. Unless she looked like Robert Pattinson. Ooo or that Cam Gigadet guy. HOT.
I really liked a girl named Emily. She lost her husband in a plane accident in 2004. A week after burying the poor fellow, she discovered she was preggers with his baby. DRAMA! GASP! Um, hello Lifetime movie! She deserves a second shot at love for sure. And she got it this week with a dazzling rose.
Other than Emily, I haven't really formed many opinions of the other girls. Give me another week. I do know that Brad is optimistic about love though. He even had his psychologist testify on national TV how he is no longer scared of commitment (Um...doesn't that go against some sort of HIPPA law? Who knows.)
My predictions, you ask? Well, I watched the previews and am fairly certain Brad gets ditched in the end. Or one of the girls gets eaten by a lion in Africa. Either way I saw a lot of tears coming out of Brad's eyes. I'm also fairly certain Seal is going sing "Kiss From a Rose" live for one of the one-on-one dates. Ooo, okay, here is my official final prediction: The girl that Brad's in love with decides to run away with Seal. Then Heidi Klum will naturally become our next Bachelorette.
Anyway, those are my thoughts on the first episode of The Bachelor: Season 15. Shoot me your thoughts!
Flashback to last season when Jacy and I decided to do our rendition of Ali vs. Kasey. Click Here.
I'm an avid Bachelor lover. I watched the first few seasons, but unfortunately steered away in high school because my Monday nights were far better spent being lame. Luckily, I stopped being a piece of trash and tuned back in around the time Brad Womack ditched DeAnna Pappas and decided to fly solo.
Missed the past 615 seasons of The Bachelor? Let me catch you up!
So here's the scoop on the recent seasons I've seen (hold on tight): After DeAnna was torn up about the Brad thing, she decided to become the Bachelorette. I was enthusiastic about DeAnna. She was cute and seemed sensible and stable. But then she pulled one over my eyes when she duped Jason for a snowboarder guy named Jesse. But snowboarder guy didn't work out and then she ended up marrying a hot twin from another season.
I was just going to turn ABC off on Monday nights after being so disappointed in DeAnna, but then I got sucked in by hot Jason and his adorable son, Ty. Jason went on to pick my favorite gal, Melissa (yayyy!), only to break Melissa's heart in the "After the Final Rose" segment and re-pick ol' whatserface with the bad eye makeup (Molly). But everything turned out okay because America got to watch Melissa shake her groove thing on Dancing With the Stars.
Back to the Bachelor. So the third-girl out, Jillian (in Jason's season) had her own Bachelorette where she chose that Ed guy over many charming guys, including a hot pilot from Dallas named Jake. Jake was sad and had a dramatic cry over a hotel balcony. ABC decided to make him the next Bachelor because, honestly, that scene with him and the balcony surely drew more viewers. Jake's season really sucked. Like ABC probably should have discontinued the show. Jake had a whole slough of girls to choose from and he picked a gold-digging ho-bag over a bunch of really nice girls, including one Ali Fedowsky (okay, technically this isn't true because Ali actually quit Jake's season to continue to pursue her career in marketing). Ali was cute and blonde, and also very sad that she chose a career over love, so she naturally became the next Bachelorette (last season).
Ali chose hot Latin baseball player Roberto and they're still together. ABC wanted to get runner-up Chris Lambton on this season's edition, but unfortunately, Chris decided against doing The Bachelor because he was REALLY freaked out by the publicity (and more notably, the fan mail that crazy chicks were sending him).
So, ABC ran out of options and approached two-timer Brad Womack as this season's Bachelor. He's really quite gorgeous though, so I'm okay with it. Oh, and did I mention his cute Austin drawl? I'm a sucker for Southern accents.
Tonight was the first episode of the season and I'm surprisingly okay with how everything turned out. Not too many weirdos. There was one perfectly normal gal who liked to wear vampire fangs at night (Madison). She was cute - minus the True Blood fetish. Brad really surprised me with his decision to give her a rose, but I guess he found her really sexy and "cool." I'm scared to death of real life vampires and, in the off shot she REALLY was one, I would have kicked her to the curb. Unless she looked like Robert Pattinson. Ooo or that Cam Gigadet guy. HOT.
I really liked a girl named Emily. She lost her husband in a plane accident in 2004. A week after burying the poor fellow, she discovered she was preggers with his baby. DRAMA! GASP! Um, hello Lifetime movie! She deserves a second shot at love for sure. And she got it this week with a dazzling rose.
Other than Emily, I haven't really formed many opinions of the other girls. Give me another week. I do know that Brad is optimistic about love though. He even had his psychologist testify on national TV how he is no longer scared of commitment (Um...doesn't that go against some sort of HIPPA law? Who knows.)
My predictions, you ask? Well, I watched the previews and am fairly certain Brad gets ditched in the end. Or one of the girls gets eaten by a lion in Africa. Either way I saw a lot of tears coming out of Brad's eyes. I'm also fairly certain Seal is going sing "Kiss From a Rose" live for one of the one-on-one dates. Ooo, okay, here is my official final prediction: The girl that Brad's in love with decides to run away with Seal. Then Heidi Klum will naturally become our next Bachelorette.
Anyway, those are my thoughts on the first episode of The Bachelor: Season 15. Shoot me your thoughts!
Flashback to last season when Jacy and I decided to do our rendition of Ali vs. Kasey. Click Here.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Please Tell Me What There Is To Complain About
Christmas 2010: Here I am, curled up on a chair in the dining room, sipping on some hot tea and typing on my BRAND NEW COMPUTER. I seriously have the best parents ever. I've been without a computer for almost two years because my 2005 model decided to all but burst into flames. This one is so fancy. You should see the design on the top. I may become one of those brooding, coffee-house-dwelling computer nerds. (If only I wasn't terrified of spilling coffee on this baby. Yeah, the hot tea I am sipping is actually sitting on an end table behind me. I am treating this thing like my first-born.)
What a terrific Christmas though. Actually, what a terrific year. I love looking back on the past year and reflecting on all of the wonderful things/people/places that have been brought into my life. I don't mean to brag, but I have the most beautiful family in the entire world. You should have seen my nephews today. That AJ - wow - melts my heard with a flash of his smile. And he's so smart. I know all aunts are supposed to say that about their nephews, but for real. I am expecting this kid to go all Mensa on our asses. And that Bo - he is growing so fast. He's a beautiful little boy with flawless skin. I swear he's going to start crawling around any minute.
The past year has been extremely amazing in the lives of JessandJacy. We both graduated college (I in May and Jacy in December). We welcomed little Bo into our lives, as well as wonderful new friends. We've maintained tremendous friendships with our existing friends.(We even saw a few of them get married!) And we have an amazingly supportive family to be thankful for every day. Our lives our wonderful.
And now, as 2011 approaches quickly, we are embarking on another new journey. Last week, I accepted a position at the University of Oklahoma in Norman. And guess what? My little sis will be joining me! Norman's a college town -- what better place to pursue her hair styling career? We've spent the last few days looking for apartments. Yes, this is really happening. And we couldn't be more excited.
Thank you all (or y'all since I'm an Okie now) for being there to support us this year. It's been a real rollercoaster, but worth the ride. I am so anxious/excited for this new year to start and for our lives to finally take off. I know this is freaking corny and not my style at all, but I am really truly blessed.
That being said, please continue to follow our lives in 2011. We love to share our experiences with everyone. Jacy and I will be together again (for the first time in six months), so some weird stuff is bound to happen. And I'll be there to document and blog every stupid thing she...errr....I mean WE do.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
-Jess (and Jacy)
What a terrific Christmas though. Actually, what a terrific year. I love looking back on the past year and reflecting on all of the wonderful things/people/places that have been brought into my life. I don't mean to brag, but I have the most beautiful family in the entire world. You should have seen my nephews today. That AJ - wow - melts my heard with a flash of his smile. And he's so smart. I know all aunts are supposed to say that about their nephews, but for real. I am expecting this kid to go all Mensa on our asses. And that Bo - he is growing so fast. He's a beautiful little boy with flawless skin. I swear he's going to start crawling around any minute.
The past year has been extremely amazing in the lives of JessandJacy. We both graduated college (I in May and Jacy in December). We welcomed little Bo into our lives, as well as wonderful new friends. We've maintained tremendous friendships with our existing friends.(We even saw a few of them get married!) And we have an amazingly supportive family to be thankful for every day. Our lives our wonderful.
And now, as 2011 approaches quickly, we are embarking on another new journey. Last week, I accepted a position at the University of Oklahoma in Norman. And guess what? My little sis will be joining me! Norman's a college town -- what better place to pursue her hair styling career? We've spent the last few days looking for apartments. Yes, this is really happening. And we couldn't be more excited.
Thank you all (or y'all since I'm an Okie now) for being there to support us this year. It's been a real rollercoaster, but worth the ride. I am so anxious/excited for this new year to start and for our lives to finally take off. I know this is freaking corny and not my style at all, but I am really truly blessed.
That being said, please continue to follow our lives in 2011. We love to share our experiences with everyone. Jacy and I will be together again (for the first time in six months), so some weird stuff is bound to happen. And I'll be there to document and blog every stupid thing she...errr....I mean WE do.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
-Jess (and Jacy)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Update
Wow, I suck. I've made you all wait nearly three weeks for another blog. I'm sure you've been pressing F5 over and over again for days - wishing, waiting, hoping, PRAYING for a new blog. (In that day-dreaming head of mine, that's really what y'all are doing.) Well hold onto your britches, because here it is!
Okay, honestly, you can probably just skip this blog. It's more of a tell-all about what's been going on in my life. Nothing too crazy.
So much has happened since November 21, 2010...like...THANKSGIVING! Granted, I wasn't able to make the long trip back to Nebraska, but I didn't make my way to Norman, Oklahoma, for some good old-fashioned fun. I come from a small family, so our turkey days are pretty quaint. Get in-get out. Well, my friend, Kylie's family is a bit different. We had five turkeys. FIVE. One baked, one broiled, one fried, one roasted and one most likely baked underground for 48 hours inside a pig carcus. Seriously, this family goes ALL OUT.
No time for a food hangover though because immediately after dinner we went to see Burlesque (so bad it was good) and THEN we headed to Target at 10 p.m. to sit out under the stars all night. Yes, folks, we did Black Friday in ultimate fashion. Kylie is a die-hard. She didn't care that it was 27 degrees out and the snot from our noses was freezing as soon as it hit our upper lips. She packed thermoses (thermi?), sleeping bags, hats, gloves and even reclining folding chairs to keep us warm all night. Things were going great until the people behind us let some of their friends cut in line. Yeah, the people behind them didn't like that too much. They threw a hissy. Come to find out, though, some people got shot in Oklahoma City (only 30 min to the North of Norman) that same night because of a feud sparked from cutting in line. Scary shit. But luckily we were able to get in and out of Target at 4 a.m. with no gun shot wounds. Only a few shopping cart nicks.
And for the best part of the weekend: Kylie's bachelorette party. Here's the scoop - Ky had zero idea of what was going on for her party. She was told to look all dressed up and then we were all meeting up at 6. But we had one slight problem. At about 6 p.m., Kylie tried on her bride-to-be outfit and, GASP, she didn't think it fit! (She didn't try it on in the store before hand.) Oh the drama! Little-did-she-know, that we weren't partaking in any male stripper business. Nor were we even going out on the town. We, instead, were taking pole dancing lessons! So really, she could completely slum it and it wouldn't matter. But I couldn't TELL her that because that'd ruin the surprise.
So after coaxing her into a different outfit, we were on our merry way to Morgan's house. Two steps into Morgan's house and Kylie realized what was going on.... She had just spent TWO FREAKING HOURS doing her hair/make-up and none of that mattered because we were just going to drink/dance all night anyway. Man she was one pissed off cookie. But after getting over the initial shock, she cheered up and we hopped on a party bus to take us to pole dancing lessons.
Here's the deal about the pole dancing... You've seen me before, right? If so, you know I am probably the most unsexiest person in the world. However, after about a bottle-and-a-half of champagne by myself, I was convinced I was Jenna-freaking-Jameson. I'd catch myself looking in the mirror making sex eyes at myself. Yeah, it was really disgusting. Then I'd try wrapping my leg around the pole and sliding down it, but my hands aways got stuck because I guess I have really sweaty hands? I needed some damn chalk or something. Could you imagine a stripper who stopped every two minutes to chalk up her hands? That was me. My favorite part was at the end when we got to strap these little Middle-Eastern skirts around our waists and shake it like Shakira. The champagne made me believe I was Shakira. Until everyone pointed out that I had the skirt on backwards. I'm an embarrassment to the sexy-women community.
Okay, so that was only one weekend of my past few weeks. Last weekend was the Big 12 Football Championships. And all sorts of stuff in between. But for now, I must go. I have Christmas parties to attend. Stay tuned for next time when I discuss conspiracy theories (seriously, I went to the JFK museum last weekend. I have things to share.)
Okay, honestly, you can probably just skip this blog. It's more of a tell-all about what's been going on in my life. Nothing too crazy.
So much has happened since November 21, 2010...like...THANKSGIVING! Granted, I wasn't able to make the long trip back to Nebraska, but I didn't make my way to Norman, Oklahoma, for some good old-fashioned fun. I come from a small family, so our turkey days are pretty quaint. Get in-get out. Well, my friend, Kylie's family is a bit different. We had five turkeys. FIVE. One baked, one broiled, one fried, one roasted and one most likely baked underground for 48 hours inside a pig carcus. Seriously, this family goes ALL OUT.
No time for a food hangover though because immediately after dinner we went to see Burlesque (so bad it was good) and THEN we headed to Target at 10 p.m. to sit out under the stars all night. Yes, folks, we did Black Friday in ultimate fashion. Kylie is a die-hard. She didn't care that it was 27 degrees out and the snot from our noses was freezing as soon as it hit our upper lips. She packed thermoses (thermi?), sleeping bags, hats, gloves and even reclining folding chairs to keep us warm all night. Things were going great until the people behind us let some of their friends cut in line. Yeah, the people behind them didn't like that too much. They threw a hissy. Come to find out, though, some people got shot in Oklahoma City (only 30 min to the North of Norman) that same night because of a feud sparked from cutting in line. Scary shit. But luckily we were able to get in and out of Target at 4 a.m. with no gun shot wounds. Only a few shopping cart nicks.
And for the best part of the weekend: Kylie's bachelorette party. Here's the scoop - Ky had zero idea of what was going on for her party. She was told to look all dressed up and then we were all meeting up at 6. But we had one slight problem. At about 6 p.m., Kylie tried on her bride-to-be outfit and, GASP, she didn't think it fit! (She didn't try it on in the store before hand.) Oh the drama! Little-did-she-know, that we weren't partaking in any male stripper business. Nor were we even going out on the town. We, instead, were taking pole dancing lessons! So really, she could completely slum it and it wouldn't matter. But I couldn't TELL her that because that'd ruin the surprise.
So after coaxing her into a different outfit, we were on our merry way to Morgan's house. Two steps into Morgan's house and Kylie realized what was going on.... She had just spent TWO FREAKING HOURS doing her hair/make-up and none of that mattered because we were just going to drink/dance all night anyway. Man she was one pissed off cookie. But after getting over the initial shock, she cheered up and we hopped on a party bus to take us to pole dancing lessons.
Here's the deal about the pole dancing... You've seen me before, right? If so, you know I am probably the most unsexiest person in the world. However, after about a bottle-and-a-half of champagne by myself, I was convinced I was Jenna-freaking-Jameson. I'd catch myself looking in the mirror making sex eyes at myself. Yeah, it was really disgusting. Then I'd try wrapping my leg around the pole and sliding down it, but my hands aways got stuck because I guess I have really sweaty hands? I needed some damn chalk or something. Could you imagine a stripper who stopped every two minutes to chalk up her hands? That was me. My favorite part was at the end when we got to strap these little Middle-Eastern skirts around our waists and shake it like Shakira. The champagne made me believe I was Shakira. Until everyone pointed out that I had the skirt on backwards. I'm an embarrassment to the sexy-women community.
Okay, so that was only one weekend of my past few weeks. Last weekend was the Big 12 Football Championships. And all sorts of stuff in between. But for now, I must go. I have Christmas parties to attend. Stay tuned for next time when I discuss conspiracy theories (seriously, I went to the JFK museum last weekend. I have things to share.)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
So Nice
I'm just curious - could someone tell me if I have, "I'M FRIENDLY. TALK TO ME" written across my forehead? If I did, would you tell me? For some reason people LOVE to talk to me. (Yeah, remember Big Burtha, the massage lady from a few months ago who told me about her obsession with cat mystery novels?) Don't get me wrong, I usually like to talk to people. But generally if you're missing all of your teeth, have a mullet and a mustache and a "Free Bird" shirt with a named tag that has "Billy Bob" scrolled across it, you and I probably won't have much in common.
Evidently I was looking like a super friendly dog lover when I stopped in to get a soda at a local gas station today. Instead of a Coke and a smile, I got a full ear. While filling up my to-go cup at the soda fountain, the store clerk (Billy Bob) said, "Hey girl, come here and check out this dog wearing sunglasses in that BMW." Convinced I was being punked, I pretended not to hear him. Alas, he did not believe my poor attempt of being deaf. He made his way over to the soda fountain to tap on my shoulder and direct me to the window.
Indeed, there was a dog wearing sunglasses sitting in the front seat of a blue BMW. As the car backed away from the curb, the dog casually made his way up and out of the sunroof. Miracle of miracles. "Is this real life?" I mumbled to myself out of Billy Bob's earshot.
Oh it was real life. In fact, Billy Bob knew the owners of the dog real well. They trained their dog to wear sunglasses. "You know how most owners train their dog to sit or shake? Well, these guys taught their dog how to wear sunglasses. Isn't that awesome??" Billy said.
"Really!?" I said with faux interest. "You mean to tell me they weren't strapped on or anything?!?"
"No, m'am. The dog just saw his mother wearing sunglasses and thought he'd try them out too. He doesn't know any different than to wear sunglasses." (Billy Bob sounded as if the dog had gone to Sunglass Hut, picked up a pair of Ray Bans and put them on with his opposable thumbs.)
"Wow, that's wild. Well my family used to raise Weimaraners, so I know all about dogs that like to dress up." (He stared at me blankly - had no idea what a Weimaraner is.) "You know, the grey dogs you see in calendars that are all dressed up? We'd dress them up and let them ride shotgun around town with us," I said (this was only a half-true story.)
"Oh really? Well my dogs are stupid. I have an Australian Sheppard who rocks. But I have this other little mutt that I want to kill."
"Oh, herm, well then why don't you kill him?" I asked. "HAHA! I'm just kidding - but why don't you find him a good home?"
"Oh I can't kill him considering what happened to his owners," he said.
"Oh, what happened to his owners?" I asked, hoping to hear his adopted dog was one of those that ate the face off of its last owner.
"His owner, my roommate, was murdered recently, so I have to take care of his dog now."
Murder? Seriously? Wow, I wasn't too far off with the face-eating-dog theory. That shit got me really interested.
"Your roommate was murdered?! How? Recently? Here? Where?" I inquired .
"Yeah, didn't you hear about the murder in Irving back on August 26th?"
"No..."
"Oh girl, this is such a bad neighborhood. I want to move as soon as I can." (Um, Billy Bob, clearly you're contributing to the 'bad neighborhood' if you lived with some guy who got murdered. Not exactly on the up-and-up....)
He continued, "Yeah, my roommate was killed by his ex-girlfriend. I even talked to him that morning. Creepy, huh dude? They were going to the park together on a date and then it happened."
"Um, WHAT HAPPENED?!"
"She stabbed him to death," He said blankly.
"Oh, so that's why you have his dog, huh?"
"Yup, she couldn't take care of it because she's in jail. So be careful around these parts," Billy Bob said with a creepy grin on his chin.
"Okay...reallll sorry about your roommate. I'd better go, my friend is waiting for me." Yeah, I was really creeped out after his weird smirk. DON'T STAB ME AHHHH.
"It was great talking with you sweetheart. Come back and see me sometime!"
"Oh, yes, I will," I said as I ran into the magazine rack - almost in a dead sprint - I was trying to get out of there as fast as I could. "Fuuuck that hurt."
"Be careful girllll, see you sooooon!"
So, please, PLEASE tell me if I just look overly friendly. I think it's great to be nice and share smiles with people every now and again. But if I never hear another murder story, I think I'll be okay.
Evidently I was looking like a super friendly dog lover when I stopped in to get a soda at a local gas station today. Instead of a Coke and a smile, I got a full ear. While filling up my to-go cup at the soda fountain, the store clerk (Billy Bob) said, "Hey girl, come here and check out this dog wearing sunglasses in that BMW." Convinced I was being punked, I pretended not to hear him. Alas, he did not believe my poor attempt of being deaf. He made his way over to the soda fountain to tap on my shoulder and direct me to the window.
Indeed, there was a dog wearing sunglasses sitting in the front seat of a blue BMW. As the car backed away from the curb, the dog casually made his way up and out of the sunroof. Miracle of miracles. "Is this real life?" I mumbled to myself out of Billy Bob's earshot.
Oh it was real life. In fact, Billy Bob knew the owners of the dog real well. They trained their dog to wear sunglasses. "You know how most owners train their dog to sit or shake? Well, these guys taught their dog how to wear sunglasses. Isn't that awesome??" Billy said.
"Really!?" I said with faux interest. "You mean to tell me they weren't strapped on or anything?!?"
"No, m'am. The dog just saw his mother wearing sunglasses and thought he'd try them out too. He doesn't know any different than to wear sunglasses." (Billy Bob sounded as if the dog had gone to Sunglass Hut, picked up a pair of Ray Bans and put them on with his opposable thumbs.)
"Wow, that's wild. Well my family used to raise Weimaraners, so I know all about dogs that like to dress up." (He stared at me blankly - had no idea what a Weimaraner is.) "You know, the grey dogs you see in calendars that are all dressed up? We'd dress them up and let them ride shotgun around town with us," I said (this was only a half-true story.)
"Oh really? Well my dogs are stupid. I have an Australian Sheppard who rocks. But I have this other little mutt that I want to kill."
"Oh, herm, well then why don't you kill him?" I asked. "HAHA! I'm just kidding - but why don't you find him a good home?"
"Oh I can't kill him considering what happened to his owners," he said.
"Oh, what happened to his owners?" I asked, hoping to hear his adopted dog was one of those that ate the face off of its last owner.
"His owner, my roommate, was murdered recently, so I have to take care of his dog now."
Murder? Seriously? Wow, I wasn't too far off with the face-eating-dog theory. That shit got me really interested.
"Your roommate was murdered?! How? Recently? Here? Where?" I inquired .
"Yeah, didn't you hear about the murder in Irving back on August 26th?"
"No..."
"Oh girl, this is such a bad neighborhood. I want to move as soon as I can." (Um, Billy Bob, clearly you're contributing to the 'bad neighborhood' if you lived with some guy who got murdered. Not exactly on the up-and-up....)
He continued, "Yeah, my roommate was killed by his ex-girlfriend. I even talked to him that morning. Creepy, huh dude? They were going to the park together on a date and then it happened."
"Um, WHAT HAPPENED?!"
"She stabbed him to death," He said blankly.
"Oh, so that's why you have his dog, huh?"
"Yup, she couldn't take care of it because she's in jail. So be careful around these parts," Billy Bob said with a creepy grin on his chin.
"Okay...reallll sorry about your roommate. I'd better go, my friend is waiting for me." Yeah, I was really creeped out after his weird smirk. DON'T STAB ME AHHHH.
"It was great talking with you sweetheart. Come back and see me sometime!"
"Oh, yes, I will," I said as I ran into the magazine rack - almost in a dead sprint - I was trying to get out of there as fast as I could. "Fuuuck that hurt."
"Be careful girllll, see you sooooon!"
So, please, PLEASE tell me if I just look overly friendly. I think it's great to be nice and share smiles with people every now and again. But if I never hear another murder story, I think I'll be okay.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Get A Life
I just needed to share this fun little ironic story. A story that proves I seriously need to get a life. Tonight, I hit an all-time TV-watcher's low.
I went to the Nebraska vs. Kansas watch party tonight at a neat little (well, big) bar called Cape Buffalo. Unable to find seats at a table in the main bar area, my crew made their way to a small area with nice comfy couches. When we sat down, I noticed a cute family off to my right. They looked SUPER familiar but I just could not place them for the life of me. Did I babysit for their daughter? No. Did I work with the husband/father? No. Had I seen the wife/mother in a mall? No.
Well, I was in a Husker bar afterall, so I was sure I had bumped into them in Lincoln at some point in my life.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't know these people in real life. I knew them from TV! WE tv to be exact. They were from freaking BRIDEZILLAS!!
A couple of months ago, my coworker and I were talking about Bridezillas. I mentioned that I am absolutely obsessed with WE tv and Bridezillas and she mentioned that she had a friend who was on the show. So, she found the webisode for me and we watched together after work one day. The whole episode looked so familiar and I was sure I'd seen it before (I'm awesome and watch reruns over and over again.).
Anyway, my coworker's friends are the Brizezilla people that were at the bar! And I, with all of my premium cable knowledge, RECOGNIZED THEM.
Small freaking world.
I went to the Nebraska vs. Kansas watch party tonight at a neat little (well, big) bar called Cape Buffalo. Unable to find seats at a table in the main bar area, my crew made their way to a small area with nice comfy couches. When we sat down, I noticed a cute family off to my right. They looked SUPER familiar but I just could not place them for the life of me. Did I babysit for their daughter? No. Did I work with the husband/father? No. Had I seen the wife/mother in a mall? No.
Well, I was in a Husker bar afterall, so I was sure I had bumped into them in Lincoln at some point in my life.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't know these people in real life. I knew them from TV! WE tv to be exact. They were from freaking BRIDEZILLAS!!
A couple of months ago, my coworker and I were talking about Bridezillas. I mentioned that I am absolutely obsessed with WE tv and Bridezillas and she mentioned that she had a friend who was on the show. So, she found the webisode for me and we watched together after work one day. The whole episode looked so familiar and I was sure I'd seen it before (I'm awesome and watch reruns over and over again.).
Anyway, my coworker's friends are the Brizezilla people that were at the bar! And I, with all of my premium cable knowledge, RECOGNIZED THEM.
Small freaking world.
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