Our lives belong on MTV...

With gymnastics season over and Jacy getting a new job, we've already found that we've had more time on our hands...and it's only been ONE day. :-) Although Jacy posted two of the funniest posts ever written, I thought I would share a couple of quotes from us recently that solidifies our thinking of why we need to have a reality TV show. The shit we do/say is just so dumb. Enjoy.

Background: Jacy's been sick for two weeks now.

"Girl, you should really go to the doctor." -Me
"Nawww...I don't do doctors." - Jacy
"Really?? Because I do." - Me

Background: I was getting ready for class and saw a cute pair of jean shorts on the ground.

"Hey Jacy, are those cute EXPRESS shorts on the floor yours?" -Me
"Wait, what shorts?"-Jacy
"The EXPRESS shorts on the floor by the bathroom." - Me

"Yeah, they're mine." - Jacy

"Where'd you get them from?" - Me

"Uh.... EXPRESS."-Jacy

Background: Jacy and I were watching "The Way We Were" last night before bed. Barbara Streisand's character, Katie, was taking off her clothes and jumping into bed with a very drunk Hubble (Robert Redford).

"Katieeee. Don't be a creeper." -Jacy

Background: Jacy and I sitting on the couch and chair surfing the net. I came across an old document I had saved that had my old email accounts and passwords in it.

"OH MY GOD. Jacy, I was such a loser. I used to have an email account called shaguar_5547@yahoo.com." -Me

Jacy just laughed uncontrollably.

Okay those are just a few quotes. I'll keep you posted how our night goes. This is the first night we've spent together for weeks.

Beer Goggles

(Jacy posting...again)

Jessica is making me post this story. I swear we're not alchys. This story and the one I just posted just happened to take place when we were shnockered.

Yesterday was the Husker Spring Game. A lot of you may know what that means... Lincoln was a-hoppin. The Spring Game provides an opportunity to fans to come together and support the Huskers...and get their drink on. And I did just that.

So after a day and night full of football and partying, by 2:30 A.M., I wasn't exactly in the finest of conditions. I fell asleep on a big bean bag and when my friends tried to wake me to go home I apparently kept yelling at them, "Two turns to the left!". After they had all left me because of my reluctance to wake up, I finally manage to rouse and looked at the couch and saw a girl sleeping there who strongly resembled one of my best friends, Brooke. Brooke and I were wanting to hang out all evening, and in my state of mind, I must have thought she had somehow navigated her way to me.

Me, to Brooke on the couch: "Brooke! You made it!"

Brooke: "Mmhmm."

Me: "Thank God, I'm gonna come cuddle on the couch with you. I'm cold!"

Brooke: "Mmhmm."

(Next morning, still on the couch together, just barely waking up...)

Brooke: "Thanks for cuddling, Amber!"

Me: "...I'm not Amber. Holy shit. You're not Brooke!"

Brooke: "Who the hell are you? I don't even know you."

Me: "I don't even know you either!"

Brooke "You should get up. It's hot."

She was a Brooke-a-like. Actually, she didn't even look like Brooke. They both had brown hair. That's it. Holy awkward balls.

"S5 ut"

(Jacy posting!)

Jessica is hilarious.

A couple weeks ago Jessica and I headed over to my friend's apartment for some Jell-O shots and a good time. We started rather early in the night. By 10:00, I had decided to depart from the party for a little while with the intentions to return. I, however, ended up cozying up in a nice warm bed and falling asleep for the night.

The next morning when I finally woke up, I had multiple missed calls, texts, and voicemails. One of my personal favorite texts was from Jessica, sent around 11:30: "S5 ut". I wasn't 100% positive of what this meant, but my best guess was that she was meaning to type "Slut." With Jessica though, one can never be too sure. The mass amount of texts and missed calls were nothing in comparison to the voicemails she left though. I think I had around 7.

Voicemail #1 (Cameo by my friend, Drew): "Jacyyyy, you sluuuut, get your ass back over here!!! Drew came over and you're not even here! Wait, Drew wants to say something to you!" (Hands phone to Drew) "Jacy, what the hell? I came over to see you and you're not even here. I'm calling bullshit on this. Jacy? Jacy? Hello? (Pause) She f*cking hung up on me!"

Hilarious when you take into consideration that he was on my voicemail.

Voicemail #3: "You're a dirty whorebag hooker. I hate you. You left me here all alone with all your friends. Fortunately, I've had a shit ton of Jell-O shots. Get your ass back over here. I love you."

Voicemail #5: "Jacy. I'm going to f*cking kill you. You left me. I don't know what to do. I've had too much to drink to drive anywhere. So I came out to my car. It's really late. Where are you? I'm sure you're somewhere warm right now while I'm lying down in the backseat of my car. I'm going to sleep out here. It's very cold but I have no other option. Camping out in my car. I really hate you and will kill you. Bitch."

Voicemail #7: (Whispering) "It's like an igloo in here. I'm going to freeze to death."

Moral of the story? Don't leave Jessica unattended. She fortunately did manage to find a ride home at three in the morning. Thank God, because I truly do believe she would have slept in the car and killed me the next day. That is, if she would have lived through the night.

Life Ain't Always Beautiful

Hey, it's Jess. I'll be honest, this isn't going to be a funny post this time. I love funny posts because I'm filled with real funny stories, but tonight is not one of those nights. I'm a poet and tonight I'm feeling poetic. I won't write poetry though. Poetry bores most everyone except for English junkies. So I'll just write about how I'm feeling.

Tonight is my last night in New York. Rather, it's my last night as the men's gymnastics SID. I'm packing my belongings into two suitcases and calling it quits. TWO suitcases. Nuts, huh? After three years, two suitcases is all I have to show for them. Well, not really. I've met some of the most amazing people in the entire world, people that will remain in my heart forever. I've even made a few wonderful friends (friends that will hopefully become famous and further my careers (cough, cough Jersh and Steph-onn). :) And, I've seen some of the most beautiful places - Palo Alto a few times, NYC, Norman, OK, (haha, riiiight. Not the most beautiful place, but fucking fun). I've eaten the best sushi in the world with Francis Allen and now have learned to appreciate GOOD sushi (not the crap you find in NE). And, most of all, I've learned never to settle. I will never, ever settle. Josh taught me that. Josh is going to be famous some day. To be honest, I never believed in people becoming famous. I thought people were born into fame. But this kid - WOWza - he is born to be great. And I am, too, right? I know I am. But finally, someone came along in my life to tell me about greatness. For that, I am appreciative. I have NO idea what is about to come next for me. I have a few interviews lined up in places I've never been to, but that's okay for me. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to move forward with my life.

Anyway, I'm going to cut this short because I have a long day a head of me tomorrow, but I just wanted to vent right now. I'll probably have a beautiful poem coming soon, but for now, this is all I have.

Thank you, NU men's gym, for some of the best years of my life.

God Bless,
Jess

TACO

I hear all too often that fast food is going to eventually kill me, but I don't believe it at all. In fact, I think it will make me live a long and happy life because it provides me with laughter.

Case-in-point:

Today, I stopped by Taco Johns and the cashier was a total goofball from the start. But as I pulled up to the window, asked how my day was and I said, "It's a beautiful day, so I have no complaints. How is your day going?" And he replied with "Oh, you know, another day, another taco... and I love tacos."

Taco Johns - 48th and Vine - go there now and meet the most hilarious taco-lover ever.

Players of the Game

(Jess says)

Yup, that's right guys, you heard it here first. Jessandjacy.blogspot.com is your No. 1 source for giving you a GIANT wake-up call. Girls can play the game, too.

Jacy and I recently got our heads together and discussed our disliking of men fearing lady clingers. Don't get me wrong, there are freaky-deaky girls out there. I've definitely witnessed some "How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days" types and it ain't pretty. But I've also seen it on the male side of things, too. You guys are just as creepy as us girls. Take this one rando make-out of mine. We'll call him "Fez" affectionately. Fez was super suave and debonair (insert evil laugh here), so I gave him my number. The next day, he called me at least 50 times and left 50 voicemails. Then, after the 50th call, I felt guilty enough to answer my phone. Bad decision. The creep proceeds tells me how he just saw me getting out of my car and he liked my pants. Creepy Fez had been following me around downtown all day... So I'm just sayin' men, you have the clingy/stalker genes, too.

But the whole "tattoo his name on my ass" thing isn't really how Jacy and I work.

This blog isn't intended to make you believe Jacy and I are giant sluts, so please don't take it that way. (BE SEXY, IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO HAVE SEX!) But why do guys automatically think every girl is obsessed with them after one random drunken night?

(Jacy's turn)

I see this happen a lot. A guy and a girl are friends. A guy and a girl make-out/hook-up. Suddenly, the guy and the girl are not friends, because every single time the girl tries talking to the once guy friend, they avoid her because they think she has fallen head-over-heels in love with him. Maybe, just maybe, they have. But in a lot of cases, men, they HAVEN'T. They simply got a little tipsy and felt their hormone levels rise as well.

Now, I'm not really speaking from experience. I haven't really macked on anyone that wasn't a repeat offense (usually someone I had already dated) or that I haven't maybe had a wee bit of a school-girl crush on. BUT I have seen this happen puh-lenty of times.

All I'm saying is this:

Men: You're not the only ones who get to feeling a little frisky. The ladies like some lovin' too. So next time you have an evening romp with a girl (space) friend, don't make yourself look like an egotistical dumbass and ignore her. Okay, egotistical dumbass may be a bit harsh. But the girl might not find you to be as much of a Prince Charming as you think you are. Yes, there are some girls out there who are stage five clingers. Want to avoid that? Here's some advice: Love em' and leave em'. Yep, sounds harsh again, but it's the cold hard truth of randoms. I observe plenty friends, and the only time they are interested in a guy after a hook-up is if you cuddled them or held their hand. If you did either of those things, then it's your own fault if she's interested. If you didn't either of those things and she's still acting 100% clingy? Run, gentlemen. Run. But if you didn't do either of those things and she just wants to strike up a conversation, chances are she is just trying to still be your friend.

(Jess again) Welp, Jacy got a little more serious in her post than I did. She was actually trying to give you some novel advice, whereas I am simply trying to state one thing: I'm just looking for a good time. Either way you look at it, we hope we've made our points and hopefully some of the non-clingly ladies will appreciate our blog.

Remember - Safety first - Wrap it before you tap it!

Happy Trails,

Jacy and Jess

Slippery Slope

It's been a long time, friends. One whole month to be exact. I'm sorry, but life has really been madness... ahhh, who am I kidding? Jacy and I seriously have no time to write because in our free time we like to drink. Well, I mean we both go to school/work for 60 hours a week, so we have to keep sane somehow and the bottle is where we turn to on occasion. (Nothing you need to be worried about...we're still attending class regularly.)

There are just two things we've learned this month...

1) We've learned that Jacy has no sense of balance or finesse on ice. Jacy has taken two terrible tumbles this past month, and quite honestly I'm very worried about her safety on this ice. She definitely doesn't need a broken hip. Typically, people who break their hips die within four months (this is a semi-proven statistic) and I don't want her to die right now. Who would pay the other half of rent? Lord knows I can't afford this place by myself...

Anyway, the first tumble took place at a friend's house. With beers in both hands, Jacy eagerly made her way down some stairs to the main party. However, her "friends" failed to mention the stairs were fecking slick. One wrong step and whooossheee...Woopsie daisy. Since Jacy was double fistin', she was unable to catch her balance and instead threw both beers in the air and fell to her unpleasant fate. I hear most of the party thought she was dead. (I wasn't there.) But luckily she picked herself up off the ground and lived to see another day. If you want to see some pretty nasty bruises, tell her to drop her pants.

The second tumble took place a couple of nights ago. Jacy was, again, drinking and I was the designated driver for the night. I'm not a very nice DD, so it takes a lot to make me laugh. But Jacy did just the trick Saturday night. Jacy, Megan (our friend) and I came home and were making our way into our apartment building. It musta been cold or something because Jacy was a woman on a mission to get to the front door of the apartment building, but overlooked a patch of slickeryness right outside the door. AGAIN, woooshhhhh. BAM. I literally felt the cement shake. I'm not sure how she managed it, but she fell on her front and her back at the same time. It was quite amazing. She was wearing, like, 10 inch heels, so I was about 95 percent sure she broke her ankle the way her feet were bent all over the place. She's like a giraffe on rollerskates, that one. Hob-nobily. She stayed on the ground for what seemed like forever. I really wasn't in the mood to take her to the hospital, so it was a good thing she peeled herself off the ground. It was also a good thing that Megan is in nursing school, because after getting Jacy upstairs, Megan sat and picked gravel out of Jacy's bleeding knee wound for 10 minutes. It's another great thing that Jacy was drunk, or else that would have hurt a helluva lot more.

2) We've learned not to iron a shirt while still on your back. Though not near as funny as Jacy's awesome tumbles, I will briefly tell you my stupidity during the month of February. I was late to work last week and hadn't done wash for at least three weeks, so I pulled something out of the laundry to wear for the day. Naturally, it was the most wrinkly garment ever. So, I whipped out Jacy's sweet hand steamer. Instead of two seconds to take off my blouse, I just thought I'd steam the blouse while it was still on my back... Poor choice. Did you know steam was hot? It doesn't look hot as it comes out of the little iron. Burned the fuck out of my stomach. It just happened to be where my jeans rubbed, too, so I have a really nasty, gross scar on my stomach. Not that anyone would see that...but still, I know it's there.

Okay, that's all I have for tonight. Two very important lessons learned. 1) Don't let Jacy out of the house in February and 2) Wrinkly shirts are in.

Goodnight!